I was tagged in the above post yesterday and whilst the info if pretty sparse it got me thinking.
As you may know I have a 4 year old too and whilst he is neurotypical the principles for engaging with him socially and having a conversation are similar.
Imagine you’re at a party and you get stuck talking to me and I spend the whole time banging on about my new shed: it’s lights; the size; how the door sticks; how they did the insulation; what they built the foundations on etc etc. You’d be pretty bored and looking for any opportunity to make haste and run for the hills!
Imagine you’re a 4 year old and you’re interested in Ben 10 [insert any other topic of interest here!] and all you want to do is look at your Ben 10’s ALL DAY. Nothing else right now interests you and every time you see your brother; sister; mummy or daddy they want to talk to you about / play with other stuff. You’d be pretty bored and looking for any opportunity to make haste and run for the hills!
Now with the adult at the party you make all the right listening sounds for a little bit; maybe ask questions; maybe try and change the subject and then try and leave.
But typically with the 4 year old you’ll come with your own agenda and maybe interact with them by saying:
- Wow look at this [book / new toy]…
- How was nursery?
- What do you want to eat?
- What’s the weather like outside?
- Did you play with your friends today?
- Shall we go see grandma?
Putting it bluntly WE’RE BORING. Just like that adult you’re trying to engage with someone without thinking about what interests THEM. You wouldn’t do it with another adult but with a child we, for some reason I don’t really know, we do it all the time.
In the broadest sense possible if you want to engage with a child with social interaction and social communication difficulties you need to first understand what interests said child has and second you need to be genuinely interested in them too.
Don’t fake it! I once saw a SLT tell a child she “loved Lion King too, it’s my favourite” only to trip up seconds later when the child asked her a question about his favourite character, Rafiki. The child saw through her; lost trust and refused to work with her!
Now as I have children I now have an intricate working knowledge of LOL; Paw Patrol; Peppa Pig; Room on the Broom; Minecraft; Noughts and Crosses as I know that these are “in roads” to having a good conversation with them.
If you’re a parent of a child with social interaction and social communication difficulties my top tip is to immerse yourself in what your child loves and genuinely become interested. You’ll be surprised just how easy it is to interact with verbal and nonverbal children when you show a wholehearted interest in what they are playing with / doing (without an agenda) and therefore without trying to shift the interaction to something that interests / motivates you.
We all have busy lives so to start with aim for 15 minutes of Sparkle Time per day where all distractions are turned off and it’s just you and them doing what THEY want to do. Reduce your expectations and just be wholly present in the situation.
All in all: STOP BEING BORING!